Bizarre Amusement
by Acacia Xavia
Summary: A randomly insane (insanely random?) Death Eaters fic, just because...well, just because. Odd humour and OOCness abounds, but since they weren't exactly bursting with personality I don't see what that'll do.


Malfoy, Avery, Crabbe and Goyle were at a bit of a Death Eater get-together thing when…

Don't stare at me. Malfoy's a Death Eater. Crabbe and Goyle are too.

You should know this! Sheesh, and you call yourself a fan!

Oh, FINE, have it your way.

**Actual Beginning of Chapter**

Back in the day, when evil kicked ass just because; when "sexy bitch Draco", as Miss Kim would say, wasn't even thought of yet; and when the Death Eaters actually knew what their name meant; Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle were at a bit of a Death Eater get-together thing. Happy? _Lucius_, man, _Lucius_. And…Crabbe and Goyle…whatever the hell their first names are.

Anycrap. They were all in the old Riddle house in the foyer, trying to get matters settled. Much to their disliking, Voldemort was branding them all with the Dark Mark. He had done so under false pretenses, and most of the Death Eaters had been less than happy when they found out he had not really wanted to check their blood pressure.

Lucius and Avery were sitting against the wall. They had been two of the first to get burned, and Lucius was the first to get pissed. He was thinking about what he could do now. Yelling at Voldemort sounded like a good idea, but really was a very stupid thing to do. So naturally…

"DAMMIT, THIS SUCKS!" Lucius was immediately rewarded with a burning pain to the arm, given from clear across the room. "OKAY, THIS _REALLY_ SUCKS!"

"You to learn to control yourself, Lucius."

"Shut up, Avery." Lucius took his wand out and held it between his palms. He started spinning it around…and around…and around…sparks were shooting out of it in a very amusing way. Granted, the patterns on the ceiling would probably have been just as amusing under the circumstances, but then, the ceiling didn't shoot sparks.

Avery just stared. "What is the matter with you?"

"It's _pretty_…" was all Lucius said.

"You're crazy, you know that?"

"Gone crazy, no one home, be back later…" Lucius said distractedly.

Avery took this opportunity to whap Lucius upside the head with his wand. "Drugs are _bad_, Lucius…" Avery suddenly stopped speaking, but continued bonking Lucius in the head.

"What's your _problem_, bitch?! I stopped!" Lucius said, turning to look at Avery and being rewarded with a smack across the bridge of his nose.

"It _is_ pretty," Avery said dreamily as sparks shot out of his wand every time he connected with Lucius' head.

Lucius just sighed. "Drugs are _bad_..."

"I was going to say the same to you, Malfoy."

"You did say the same to me, fathead."

Avery stopped in mid-whack, his wand halfway to hitting Lucius in the head again. "Did you just call me a fathead?" Lucius nodded, his nose in the air in a show of arrogance. "I haven't been called a fathead since I was nine," Avery continued. This just received a glare from Lucius, and Avery continued smacking Lucius upside the head, much to his own delight and a lot of eye-rolling from Lucius. This would have continued for quite some time, had it not been for a sudden yell of anger from Voldemort.

"HOLD STILL, BIZNATCH!!!"

Lucius and Avery both looked up to where MacNair and Crabbe were trying to subdue Goyle. He had apparently found out that the "blood-pressure test" was not what it seemed. Avery gave Lucius one last bonk, and then they both jumped up to help them. Voldemort was standing watching this entire thing with a mixture between rage and amusement. ((A/N: Yes, this is possible. It looks strange, but it's possible.))

Lucius stood there, wanting to help but also wanting to go play with the sparks some more. They really _were_ pretty…

"CAN I URGE YOU TO HELP US, DAMMIT?" Avery yelled, bringing Lucius out of one reverie and plunging him into another.

"_Urge_…" Lucius said, closing his eyes and…

…receiving a sharp pain to the left arm.

"Lucius," Voldemort said, trying to keep himself from Avada-ing the blond dip where he stood, "if you feel the urge to swing your hair and move around in an apparently orgasm-propelled manner, TAKE IT OUTSIDE!"

Lucius was still back about a line and a half from where Voldemort ended that speech. "_Urge_…"

Crabbe and Avery both looked at Voldemort, who nodded curtly to both of them. They kicked Lucius where it counts, and all 15 of the Death Eaters said the sage words of wisdom at once:

"Drugs are _bad_…"


End file.
